I watch a lot of YouTube videos because any time I don't know how to do something around the house, I just YouTube it. Once I watched a video titled, "How to take down a ceiling fan and replace it with a light," and the whole video was a guy replacing a ceiling fan with … Continue reading Portret van June Gardens
Good gravy, I had that migraine all day yesterday. From the moment I woke up till I finally gave up and fell asleep at 9 p.m. That second sentence was a clarification, in case you were unclear what I meant by "all day." Me and my big words. This means that yesterday was not what … Continue reading I love things in my own way
Yesterday's family stories were hilarious. I knew I'd like them. All day I wanted to tell you my friend Dave's family story, one of 3949493944 of them that he has, but I was doing that pesky work thing, and then right after work I had my hair, so hello, home at 8:30. I mean, I … Continue reading Somebody better put your bag into your place
"Marvin's getting married this weekend," I told Ned, "I feel nothing." "See? That, right there. That scares the SHIT outta me. What if one day, after all this, you feel nothing for me?" I knew Ned was pointing at me dramatically, even though we were on the phone. He's in Kansas. Kansas, he says, is … Continue reading The house began to pitch. And I’m a bitch.
I'm trying to think of anything of note that happened to me this weekend after The Hair Incident of Saturday, but mostly I had migraines on and off. TAAA-DAAAA! Thanks, June. Thank god I'm here today. Took time out to visit yer ass. Yesterday was finally a nice day, after 46 days and nights of … Continue reading June’s going to kiss you. She won’t even wait.
7:19 a.m. This morning I was peeing, and Lottie ran in, took the toilet paper off the holder, and ran off. You know how all your life you've said, How can anyone beat a puppy? I have your answer. Numbers sign TeamLottieAbandoners. Did you know if you type a hashtag and write something right next … Continue reading Mike and the bittwersweet croc
You'll be sad to hear Marvin didn't wear plaid. I hauled my arse all the way to Chapel Hill, and who knew Chapel Hill was so cute? Turns out it's where University of North Carolina is, so it's full of the quaint shops and hot college girls. I kept trying to point them out to … Continue reading June has dinner with her ex-husband, who had a raging temper and was a philanderer. Alternatively, it just didn’t work out.
Maybe other people would find it depressing to live alone in a pet-free house after a breakup, but I gotta tell you, I just loves it. That's a line from The Color Purple. Celie asks Shug how Shug can stand to sleep with Mister, and Shug says, "I just loves it." If you didn't see … Continue reading See You This Tuesday
Last night, I was still at work because HELLO BUSY when Ned emailed me. "I'm not going to the gym tonight; I'm coming straight home. Want to go out to dinner?" I guess he read my blog yesterday. Now I feel bad. BUT THAT DAMN GYM! I went home and there was Ned, which was … Continue reading If Ned and Marvin got in a fight, who do you think would win?
Yesterday's comment section was most dramatic. I got a migraine, and did not check them all night, so when I got up this morning, I was all... Yesterday, I asked you what you wish your significant other was doing that he isn't, and we got some interesting responses, including, "I wish mine weren't dead." Which … Continue reading Comment drama, and dog drama too. Plus, a migraine!
I just read an article yesterday, in my hard-hitting Entertainment Weekly, because I think it's important to stay abreast of the news. In it, a gay actor (that guy from Girls, you know the one? I love him) said young gay people don't go to gay bars anymore. They make fun of gay bars. I … Continue reading Celebrity Gossip with June
I did a lot this weekend. See, the obvious joke would be to say something about Ned now, under the category of Things I Did. But I will not. Because dignified. I'm dignified like Rip Taylor. Anyway, I have a lot of weekend to tell you about, and Ned is right this second complaining about … Continue reading June Recaps Her Weekend; Nation Riveted
It's the end of the year, FYI, and time for my end-of-year veedeo, and you've been around a long time if you know why I say "veedeo." So long, 2014! You weren't all bad. (Click on the white "2014 Be Done" title at the top of the video, so it'll take you to YouTube, where … Continue reading I have the feeling Ima be just as annoying in 2015.
Today is Marvin's birthday. In case you just got here or something, Marvin is my ex-husband. The former little missus. I met Marvin in college, on the first weekend before sophomore year. We'd all schlepped back to school, and my roommate said, "I know a bunch of guys who've moved into what will become a … Continue reading Marvin is 48. Why does that sound young all of a sudden? Crap.
I forgot to tell you that last week, my boss's boss went on vacation, so naturally we all blew up 84895949 balloons and filled his office with them. Mature. We all gave ourselves aneurysms blowing up that many balloons, and I truly felt I was going to faint dead away like someone wearing a corset, … Continue reading A party! A death party! (Remind me to tell you that story.)
Thanks for your help on whether Ned and I should move to Winston or not. We decided not. So now we're back to no house to move to. The problem is, the first one was so perfect, so every time we see a cute one, Ned says, "Yeah, but if the house on Victoria came … Continue reading Dis blu
This morning I saw a branch in my driveway. Being a branch manager, I went out to investigate. "Branch manager." How do you stand the hilarity? It turns out a huge part of my cool old tree fell down. We had serious rain night before last, and I have no idea why it waited till … Continue reading Branch manager
The yogurt I'm eating expires today, so if I begin to die, please tell that to the paramedics so they can treat me for expired-yogurt disease. Thank you. Remember when we all ate Dannon like it was a thing? Stirred the fruit up from the bottom? I never liked doing that--too much effort. When I … Continue reading Yogurt, furnaces, the Greeks, bawls
It's Sunday afternoon, and it's raining, and this is the time of week I love. I adore Sundays, and I guess it's because I'm lucky enough to not hate my job. So I don't get that awful Sunday Wonderful World of Disney feeling where I dread the next day. It was a busildy weekend, and … Continue reading A whole new world
It "snowed" here. dis it? even edz not impress. Edsel somehow manages to look more dignified when he's outdoors. Maybe it's because his underbite isn't as apparent, or his ears are dwarfed when you compare them to the solar system. I don't know. But can you see he has snow on his snout? There's dignity … Continue reading What do the crippled folk do?