Iris is dead. I cannot talk about it. Here’s the last picture I ever took of her, on December 20. Oh, Iris.
Iris is dead. I cannot talk about it. Here’s the last picture I ever took of her, on December 20. Oh, Iris.
Before I begin delighting you all with pet speak, lemme tell you what just happened. These past two days, I’ve been tryina keep up with reading blog comments, but it’s not easy. I tried looking at them here, not in email, and one thing that’s irking me is the comments are in order from oldest …
Some nights, Edsel is just too much. With the flumping dramatically off the bed whenever I move a corpuscle. Then floomping back on a minute later. With the pressing his head on my neck as hard as he can, for pets. At 4 a.m. So some nights I kick him out. Last night was one …
When we last left each other, flush from our reunion, I told you that Steely Dan was injured and I’d taken him to the vet. It turns out, it wasn’t a cat fight. It was a rock lobster. No. It was a fence or maybe a tree. They think he got caught in a fence. …
Years ago, I was on the phone with my oldest friend, Pal From MA. She was on her porch, and who knows what ridik topic we were on, but it compelled her to yell, “HELLO, CLITORIS!” at one point. And when she did that? A woman walking across the street waved. This obsessed me. I …
Eds won’t stop acting the fool this morning. “Come sit and chew Blu and be a nice dog,” I just commanded him. Really, I should put off covering that chair for longer. It’s not disgusting enough. I guess if I recover that chair, putting it by the back door again is out, right? I need, …
Yesterday was a day of intense highs and lows. Okay, yesterday I had a high and a low. But everything with me is intense. I’ve already done my stupid taxes with TurboTax, and I owe every year because freelance. What I parTICularly love is paying taxes and having to pay TurboTax on top of that. …
“I have an all-day meeting and I’m getting out of work early,” said Ned, and “early” for Ned means “a normal time to leave work” in my world. Remind me to never be the president of anything. Except this nonblog. “Would you like to have dinner? I’ll be early, so you can eat like the …
“Beep!” “Beep!” 12:50 a.m. it was, and some DAMN beep from some DAMN alarm was going off last night. It’d almost be better to die of the carbon monoxide or the intruder than keep getting awakened with these damn beeps. They always have to be “damn” beeps. I threw the covers off and got up …
Rabbit, rabbit. Why do people say that at the beginning of the month? Sarah Jessica Parker always does (she’s my Instagram friend), and because she does it, I think it’s cute, but all my life I have no idea why people say it. But isn’t this literally a rabbit, rabbit month? Isn’t Easter this month? …
I could NOT fall asleep, so when the alarm went off this morning, I was exhausted and hit snooze 39493940 times. I went last night to the old theater to see Gold Rush, the Charlie Chaplin silent movie–and I guess ALL of his movies were silent movies and now I’m officially annoying. Dear June: We …
I had two plans tonight: coworkers were getting drinks at 5:00, and then other friends invited me over at 8:00-ish. Don’t you hate people who add “ish” to a time? What are we, gay men in the ’60s? That outfit is fab, lover. Anyway, I eschewed my right-after-work plans because I didn’t work today. I …
Dear Women Who Prattle at Movies: What the hell is wrong with you? Last night, my old movie theater showed To Kill a Mockingbird, and I got there fairly early in order to get my popcorn (dinner) and get a decent parking spot. Not necessarily in that order, and what I like about myself is …
When I first get up, I feel vaguely like a cafeteria server at the prison, or like Laura Ingalls Wilder when she had to feed the threshers the first day she was married. “Gee, June, I don’t remember that from the show.” And that was the day June tore down the street in her chonies …
It snowed. If you’ve read me for awhile, you’ll know that (a), that means work was called off, although we are expected to “work from home,” and I remember a really bad storm two years ago where I proofread a giant deck–giant–and just as I was finishing it, Iris stepped on my laptop and erased …
In case anyone was worried sick, my presentation went fine. I had to present to the rest of the creatives–that’s what they call us: “creatives.” I had to show the rest of the CREATIVES why copy editing is necessary and why it takes so damn long. We copy editors get a lot of, “Can you …
You know what MY problem is (everyone gets out their Giant Scroll of What’s Wrong With June), is that moderation is stupid. I mean, it would appear that I think moderation is stupid. Signs POINT to me thinking moderation is stupid. Except when it comes to exercise. The woman who sits next to me–and I’m …
I woke up at 2:53 a.m. today, with a migraine. I attribute this to having gotten up at 5:30 yesterday, to go to damn Purrrrre Barrrrre, and one wonders why I think I need to work out when I already look Like This. Anyway, my sleep pattern was messed up, which is a migraine trigger, …
Remember the guy at work who gave me the eagle calendar last year? I’m tryina find a picture of him but OH MY GOD with this slow computer, which is my other news. Here he is. He’s had several funny lines on this here not-blog through the years, and anyway my point is, he brings …
It will be 11 years Friday that I’ve done this dang…website. Other than June’s Live Sex Tape, I’ve pretty much done it all on this thing. [Considers June’s Live Sex Tape.] [Step one: Get sex life.] When we left each other yesterday, dabbing at our eyes the annoying way the Real Housewives do: dab, dab …
