Before I could go to Peg's funeral on Saturday, I had to take the kitten to the vet. Not only did Milhous need booster shots, but I also needed to ask what to do about the fact that he hates food. My vet is pretty good at solving stuff. "Hang on, let me get something," … Continue reading Peg o’ My Heart
It's Monday morning, and I can't remember what I did this weekend. Not in a John Lennon "I slept with so many Asian chicks who weren't my wife" kind of way, although really, you can't blame him for that. And who knows? Maybe I did sleep with Asian chicks all weekend. Let's look at this … Continue reading Hashtag Poop
Turns out, I locked Steely Dan in the attic all night, so I'm feeling pretty good about my cat mothering skills. I went up there for some paperwork, which I FOUND, by the way, and then I took it downstairs (there I go again, calling the attic "upstairs" like a giant nutbar) and pored over … Continue reading Eyes that talk like cats
For once, there was cat drama on my NextDoor that didn't involve Steely Dan. Do y'all have NextDoor? It's a website just for your neighborhood, so you can know right away who's racist. They should just go ahead and update their name to BigotNextDoor. ALERT! SUSPICIOUS AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN ENTERING HOUSE ON 1600 BLOCK! That's … Continue reading Where Neighbors Come Together
I meant to get here earlier, but I was on the phone all morning. Recently, I discovered I had 5.5 days left of vacation time that I did not take this year, and while I can roll three of them over, I also took today and tomorrow off. Ima Christmas shop today, and then tomorrow … Continue reading June Heads Back
You know what I want for Christmas? One of those paper towel holders that you stand up on your counter. ^^^^^AMAZON LINK!^^^^^^ Several months ago, one of you said, Hey, June. Why don't you become an Amazon Associate to earn more money? And so I did. I put up a permanent link to Amazon on … Continue reading Enter rambling
For years, we've been doing this project at work that is what you might call detailed. If you're a proofreader or a copy editor, all three of you, it has everything that takes time. Names you need to check? Yes. Numbers? Yes. Details that're listed in several places and they all must match? Yes. Fact-checking … Continue reading The one where June misses Halloween
Right now, everyone is outside except for old Steely Dickly, here, and it occurs to me that if he were my only pet, I'd be miserable. He's never HERE. He comes in to eat, maybe sleep with one gray arm strewn across his eyes, chew a few of my beloved clothing items, then leave for … Continue reading It’s a pretty good crowd for a–oh, shut up.
You know what's annoying about autumn? "It's not autumn yet, June." You know what's annoying about you? What's annoying about autumn is that, at least here, you wake up one day and it's sunny and 85 degrees, and then you wake up the next day and it's cold and raining your ass, as my old … Continue reading Two ADDs walk into a bar
I just hit snooze for an hour, then when I finally did get up, I put my contacts in the wrong eyes. I don't mean I woke up Vladimir Putin and put my contacts in his eyes. You know what I mean. Stay tuned for more tips from June Gardens, Efficiency Expert. I never did … Continue reading The People Who Must Look at June’s Nose
I gave up having cable TV about a year ago, because basically I was paying $110 a month to watch Bravo. And while I DO miss the old movie channel (a LOT), I kind of like having Amazon Prime and also, way down the rung, Netflix. They appeal to my addictive personality. I can enjoy … Continue reading June goes back to work
This morning, I spilled coffee grounds all over yonder, WHICH DELIGHTED ME, and I was late getting Edsel's food. I messed up his skedge. This discombobulated him, as did me saying thing like "skedge," so he wandered around the cats' dishes, a little lost, while he waited. "HSSSSST [spit]!" I heard. Not just a hiss. … Continue reading Skedge
Last night I had a ridiculous dream. (Oh, good. Someone's gonna describe their dream.) I dreamt I met a man and didn't care for him at first, so when we first were introduced, I gave him my most sarcastic of smiles. But then, somehow, I realized I really liked him, so then I had to … Continue reading June sends loving thoughts to people who hold up the line
This morning, I woke up at Ned's. Look at me, trying to be all compelling. You won't BELIEVE what happens next! Actually, you will. I went home and let Edsel out. That's it. On Thursday, I took ridiculous Edsel to the vet, because he'd been chewing on himself and scratching and was driving me insane, … Continue reading Let me call you Megan, I’m in love with you.
"Hey, June, can you proofread a deck by 2:00? It's 80 pages." A deck is a presentation, usually a PowerPoint one, and there's another of those two words squished into one with a capital letter in the middle that I like SoMuch. And I don't know where you're from, I don't know what kinda people … Continue reading Yore what, I’ll never know.
Today, I was supposed to go to work having fasted, and have blood drawn for our health insurance thing at work. Then 40 minutes later, I was supposed to go to my new doctor and have even more blood drawn for my initial visit with him in a week, unless of course he dies or … Continue reading Chocolate > labs
Do you know what I hate? The don't-be-so-hard-on-yourself-when-you're-trying-to-insult-yourself guy. And by "guy" I mean anyone. Look, or even looky here, as my eighth-grade algebra teacher used to say (and there's a job. Hey, this year you're gonna teach June algebra! Good luck and here's your methadone prescription), none of us are 100% happy with ourselves, … Continue reading The laughs make up for the marsupial pouch
Perhaps you're wondering, "Did our dear friend June expire? Is she on the other side of the grass? Feeling the silk?" It always kills me when I say that and someone out there doesn't get it. You're dead. In the coffin. The silk-lined--oh, forget it. Anyway, it's my head--it's been giving me trouble. Am on … Continue reading Pom wonderful
When we left off, it was only effing Friday afternoon of my Easter weekend and I decided not to torment you with more detail, so here I am tormenting you with more detail today instead. You're welcome. After I bought my new bat house Friday morning, I headed to another bat house---therapy. Bah! Am on … Continue reading The peppermint tea prossy