Current situation: My tight-fitting Laila Ali dryer bonnet is atop my head. I've got fresh coffee in my favorite mug (for local folk: It's one of those really thick ones from The Green Bean) and I DID have a dog snout in my lap till just now, when I snapped at my computer. Does your … Continue reading From underneath Laila Ali
Late last week, I finished a freelance project, and now tonight I'm going to get another big one, which is what she said. So, last night, after a long day in seventh grade, apparently, I celebrated my last night of freedom by going to the movies. I really know how to throw down. I saw … Continue reading Grace Kelly Bluebook
I hate podcasts. I'm SORRY. I'm sure your sister's really is magnificent. I'm sure if I just tried [insert fucking podcast here]...or gave a listen to...or have I heard...? Yeah, no. I'm not going to like any of those, either. And look, I WANT to like them. I'd love another way to waste time; are … Continue reading Lime-a-Ritas with Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you think of yourself as normal? I have never once, for as long as I can remember, considered myself to be normal. And I'm glad of it, although I haven't always been. I doubt anyone else finds me normal, either. There was one woman who was married to my friend, a woman who made … Continue reading Rare. In the bloody way, not the special way.
Edsel stuck his paw straight up my nose this morning. Managed to get a claw in each nostril, and now m'nose hurts. So I gotta fit a trip to the pound in along with my regular duties. Maybe I could just do a whole drop-him-in-a-field excursion. He and Steely Dan are starting to do this … Continue reading Moo. Yakety yakety yakety.
Yesterday was ridik. I had to take my car into the shop, which I think I've told you now 800 times, and you'd think I was taking it in to get it tricked out. You'd think my car was transitioning. Do you know what I'd like? Is a little Fiat. I love those. In some … Continue reading Hand Jumping June
I got to stay home today, seeing as in a smidgeon of time I will be knocked unconscious and any number of instruments will be crammed down my throat, such as a harp. I will literally be a harpy, finally. Today is the day of my endoscopy; it's at 10:30. I had to go all … Continue reading Downtown Juney Brown
Last night I finally showered, at 8 p.m., and I didn't bother to wash my hair. It got a little wet, though, and that with the combination of my curls being in bed all day resulted in it drying into sort of dreadlocks. "You look like Perry Farrell," said Ned. Then he had the nerve … Continue reading You know I hate to complain
The photographer came. He was a lovely man, who just got an Australian shepherd puppy named Bo who I saw a picture of and I love Bo so bad. I sneaked in this shot of said photographer in my room; he's the blue blur in the corner that Edsel is falling for, hard. He's Edsel's … Continue reading Apres Photoshoot
Is everyone back now? Are you all done ignoring me? Just another reason for me to hate the holidays: Everyone leaves. I blog on and on: Here's what I got for Christmas! Hey, Dick Clark and me, throwing down! Me: Christmas, New Year's Eve, blah! Celebrate good times, come on! [insert picture, insert another picture] … Continue reading Tallulah Bright and Dark
Ned just told me he'd poach us some eggs, and yes we ARE just getting up at 1:00 in the afternoon, and we are decadent and have I ever mentioned I've never regretted being childless? I did, however, have to get up and feed everybody, and sometimes in the morning I feel like a farmer. … Continue reading June blogs while Ned boils
It's the end of the year, FYI, and time for my end-of-year veedeo, and you've been around a long time if you know why I say "veedeo." So long, 2014! You weren't all bad. (Click on the white "2014 Be Done" title at the top of the video, so it'll take you to YouTube, where … Continue reading I have the feeling Ima be just as annoying in 2015.
I overslept, and I have these bags under my eyes that I have NEVER ONCE EVER woken up to. Aging is fantastic. My point is, I need advice. I know. Didn't I say NEVER AGAIN last time? There's always someone who's just been champing at the bit to tell me how fat I am or … Continue reading Fashion advice
I got to get up late today, because I have a doctor's appointment at 9:30. Exciting! And don't get dramatic; I'm not dying of anything. I'm going for my annual RICOLAAAAAAAA! appointment. What a stupid-ass commercial. Last night, Ned and I went to our old theater we like so much, where everybody knows our … Continue reading June Ruby
Today at work, we're having a photo sesh, because we're revamping the company website. They've asked me to be one of the people posing for said pictures, and in my mind I had us phonily leaning over the conference room table, looking over a document--something I never, ever do in real life. But it turns … Continue reading Call me Ishmael, M’lady
It's hard to get used to how FRICKING CLEAN this house is, in anticipation of the people traipsing through to look at everything. I walk into a room and go, "Oh! Crap, it's clean in here." My Uncle Leo used to say about people: "They're so clean" as if that were a bad trait. I … Continue reading The one where I meander and don’t get right to the point
I'd like to thank Faithful Reader BStar for reminding me to mention the Billy Jo McAllister song, with which we all became obsessed a few months back. And before I continue, I'd like to ask you, girl, what's happened to your appetite? I've been not remotely cooking all morning and you haven't touched a single … Continue reading It was the third of June, another sleepy dusty Delta day
Has anyone else noted that the Secret brand has taken over all the deodorants? I am about to run out of my Secret Outlast Completely Clean, which every time I look at that name on my deodorant I think of this song: . Okay, that video was really annoying. Just play the damn song. My … Continue reading Now in fresh, you failed-at-life scent!
I guess I'm up. I slept terribly. I was kind of afraid this would happen: I was fine all week without Ned, because, I guess, we do have weeknights where we don't see each other. Four weeknights in a row? Okay, not so much, but still, with the workweek and the dog-walking and the back-to-back … Continue reading The one where June gets kind of sad without Ned.
It is Wednesday evening and I am finally trusting Typepad enough to tell you the rest of my Easter weekend, and there I go being insensitive to other religions again. I didn't even CELEBRATE Easter, so I don't know why I keep calling it that, other than I got Good Friday off, which by the … Continue reading Hawk Look. Or, Teeth of the Hydra Upon You.