What stupid, horrific personality do YOU have?

Today we're all gonna take a personality test and report the results here. I will tell you what you all said tomorrow. Please answer me by 9 p.m. Eastern time today.

Google "What time is it in Eastern time?" if you don't know what time Eastern time is.

Yesterday I got invited to a concert "at the railway" in my town, and never once in seven+  years of living here have I ever heard anyone referring to anywhere here as "at the railway," and I like how I'm just supposed to just know that locale in my bones or something. You know, that one spot where there are railroad tracks.

My personality type is Cranky.

Yesterday I was at the therapist's first, before Ned and even the therapist got there. I was in her lobby, and she had an enneagram book, which is this type of personality testing that's stupidly accurate. I already know what type I am, which I will tell you later, but I was reading it, and then she came in and we read further, and we were dying, it was so accurate.

She let us take the book home, and Ned and I read about HIS personality and died all over again. It was a very die-y day.

So now that I'm a zombie because I've died several times, you take it. Here: http://www.enneagramquiz.com/

When you return to this blog, TELL ME YOUR PERSONALITY FIRST before you comment. So, leave a comment saying, "Generalist. Lovely post, June."

That way tomorrow, when I tally the results, I won't want to kill my own self with a large gleaming knife. I won't have to slog through, "Sorry to hear your gerbil got loose, Sarah. You're in my thoughts. Lovely post, June. Oh, and I'm an Individualist, but if you ask me I'm more of a Peacemaker."

UPDATE: I am delighted to report that each enneagram type has several names. Which is a delight to keep track of, did I mention? So the dreamer is type 9, also known as peacemaker, also known as referee. If you guys are given a number with your result, as in you're a type 1 or a type 3 or whatever, tell me that first.

Now, if you're returning to leave a comment talking about something else, that's fine. But leave your personality result at the beginning of your comment if you're telling me your results. Thank you, and good luck.

I've done this test for you all before, but it was a long time ago and we have different readers with different personalities. So this'll be cool, I think. Or it'll be dull as mud and no one will play. Hey, where's my dry erase board? I could record your changes on it. But I think I threw that out when I moved. Crap.

Okay, take the quiz!

I've now linked to it three times in this post. "Where's the quiz, June? It might help if you sent us to the quiz, June. Oh, and I'm a Generalist."

P.S. OHMYGOD I FOUND the dry erase board!!

NedKitty and Ned are the Dick personality type.

In which I’ve totally become Linda Richman

Sadly, I have a deadline to meet before I go to work today (dudes, I KNOW) (can you DIE from proofreading?), so I leave you with a simple question.

Who is worse, people who think they're smart but really aren't, or people who think they're funny but really aren't?

I realize I fall into both categories, so shut up.


Really, Cezanne’s fruit never does it for me

Once again I gots no time to blog. Today I have to scream over to Der Vagen Haus, or maybe it's Wagen Haus, whichever, to get my car fixed. One good thing about working ALL THE TIME is I can at least afford now to get my car fixed.

So I'm off. The car repair guy is driving me to work, which is nice, and I intend to spend the whole drive telling him how annoying the name Der Vagen Haus is to me.

While I am repairing and strengthening, making split ends more manageable, tell me this:

What makes life worth living?

I was thinking of it today, and that scene from Manhattan, one of my all-time favorite movies.

And if you don't like Woody Allen I don't wanna hear it.

The first thing I thought of was the smell of Tallulah's head.
100_2140yayeh. lu do be habng gud smellz.

Also, mashed potatoes. And any time Eric the Midget calls into Howard Stern.

But I'll think of others and get back to you.

Your thoughts?

Ask Dick Whitman’s mom and you shall receive

A few days ago, we ("we." I totally stole the idea from a reader) decided to write in our questions for Dick Whitman's mom. In case you are just tuning in, and really? I've been here almost SIX YEARS. I was just about to get in the car and go home. But in case you just got here, my friend Dick Whitman has the world's coolest mom.

She was married for 927 years to Dick Whitman's dad. There's an article in the Winston-Salem paper about how DW's dad attended DW's mom's I think it was 6th birthday party. It was some birthday party where she was young young young. So they've known each other for awhile. Plus, that Winston-Salem paper, man. There's some investigative journalism.

My point is, she comments here a lot and she is always funny and wise, so we decided to ask her advice and here's what she has to say.

BStar said…
I don't wish to have some advice about a personal issue but I do admire your ability to have such a love of life, be open to new experiences and people, have a witty way of looking at things and just be so emotionally healthy and happy. Where do you think that comes from for you?
Acceptance of myself and those around me.

Helen said…
I want to know if there's EVER a time a woman can give up on dieting to be thinner. Are we ever satisfied or do we just give up? I'm not saying not to eat healthy, I'm specifically talking about dieting which I feel like I've been doing for 18,754 of the 19,119 days I've been alive.
First, stop comparing your body to those of the models and entertainment stars! Second, see your body as beautiful because it is!

Helen continued (geez. Helen.) MY mom says if all the men in the world dropped dead, all the women would stop dieting, eat hot fudge sundaes for dinner and be happy. What say you, DW's mom?
I disagree, the media holds out an impossible body image  and tells us that is the ideal and we must buy someones product to attain the unattainable.

June Gardens said, after waiting for Helen to quit droning on…
What I want to know is, how can you stand the same person year after year after year of marriage? I mean, were there ever times you felt like, IMA STICK A STAKE THROUGH HIS HEAD, or were you lucky enough to never feel that way? If you DID ever feel that way how'd you get past that?
I tended more to a 'stake in the heart' kind of revenge.  The only way I got past it was when he said or did something that reminded me of why I married him in the first place.

Faith–damn, where are the tissues? said…
I need some advice on a question that is going to make me look ungrateful, selfish, and unfeeling. My grandmother died years ago, and one of my aunts – who has 3 boys – told me at the time that she planned on leaving me some jewelry she inherited from her mother as she didn't have girls to hand it down to (keep it in the family, so to speak). Well, my aunt just passed away last month. So – A) do I even bring this up to my uncle or cousins (who, now, by the way are all married to great ladies)? B) Should I just wait and see what happens? C) Should I put a little bug in my parents' heads about it? D) Should I just forget it and be happy if it happens and accept it if it doesn't? {And the biggest question – how can I stop crying every time I think of her?}
 This is just me, but I would choose B.  There may come an occasion where 'bringing it up' would be appropriate, then I would choose A.  Grieving for a loved one is normal, natural and even necessary–and each of us must do it the way that we need to.

Joan in NV, classing things up since 1960, said…
This is a little like asking the Queen what color her knickers are, but here goes. DW's Mom– boxers or briefs?

(Wait. Did we just ask DW's mom about her delicates?) 

eating myself through this emotional roller coaster dancer said…
I'm at "that age" where my hormones are wreaking havoc in my life. I can't afford my bio-identical hormones anymore so I've been thinking about asking my doctor for the shot that shuts your system down for months – or it might be a year. I'm also two years out from the ex leaving and I'm still getting side swiped from the loss of a 25 year marriage. These emotions plus hormones…oy vey. What say you?
Bless you sweet one.  The hormone thing should be addressed by your gyn doc.  If he/she does not help, find a new doctor!

Tee said…
How old were you when you married Mr. W? How long were you married? What is your secret for a successful marriage, at any age?
We were 18 and were married 59 years.  Ahh, secret for marriage success, love, patience, endurance (throw out ALL stakes) and forgiveness.  None of those actions/emotions are easy to come by–you just keep on keeping on til you achieve them.

Jeannie said…
I have only been married 32 years today. I have put a stake through his head numerous times and he won't die. Do you think I married a vampire rather than a zombie? Should I put the stake through his heart next time?
Won't help, he still won't die.

Amish Annie/Paul said…
Why do some people get mean and negative when they get old? Are they unhappy? (I'm not talking about folks with dementia or Alzheimer's.) And what are some suggestions to help with conversing and interacting with these folks.
Wow, now that is a question I can't answer.  Why do people get mean and negative at ANY AGE?  There are as many answers as there are people. As for conversing and interacting with 'them', converse and interact just like you do with people you own age.

I have discovered recently that people all but ignore me when DW or WW take me places in a wheelchair.  They don't make eye contact with me, they talk over my head and they talk to my kidlets about me as if I were not there.  Being the major bitch that I am, I usually interupt and force them to deal with me.

Texas Kari – this is GREAT! said…
I have a 12 year old daughter, and she's a dreamboat! I'm looking down the road to the teenage years. Most of the issues of parenting a teenager make my heart race. There's a lot of modern advice about these sorts of issues (see: 20 shelves of parenting books at B&N), but I'm more interested in old fashioned good sense. You know, what's tried and true. What kinds of things did you do in your household to keep your kids moving in the right direction?
Cried, screamed, and denied access to cherished activities A LOT!  Teen years are a nightmare for all (parents & kids).  My only advice is to love them no matter what and use your best instincts.

Dawn in DC LOVES the super feminine look said…
Did you buy the orange polka-dotted shirt for DW? If not, how do you like it on him? Also, too, your evening dress is stunning. What do we gotta do to bring that style back?
No DW is his own stylist and I am not fond of that shirt.  As for bringing back that style, just wait; the designers will eventually bring it back.

(I really like DW in that shirt.) 

Anita said…
I have 3 boys and they are all moving away from me. My oldest is in Atlanta, my middle one just got a job in CA (that's so far!) and my baby is now off to college. How did you deal with the empty nest thing? Will I have to resort to the stake in the head since it will be just me and my husband now? Will the way he eats soup ever stop bugging me?
Oh dear sweet woman, this transition is HARD!  You and the 'stake in the head' guy will develop a whole new relationship and you can make it good or bad, depending on how much you can rediscover those things that made you love him in the first place.

: : Garden Girl : : Maybe this could be a monthly thing……. said…
Everything I have is a little lower than it used to be. Gone South. Gravity is not my friend. Well, you get the picture. How is my female psyche to best deal with this avoiding the mirror/preferring candlelight phase? Spiritually? Gym membership? A special affirming mantra? A hypnotist? I don't know…but I hope you do.
Never look at a younger woman's body or clothes!  Keep your eyes and attention on how older women look and dress.

Peter, who thinks DW's mom has her work cut out for her, said…
As for June and Deb, sometimes men refuse to take that big step because, frankly, why should we? Who wants to go into an ice cream shop selling one flavor when you can go into Baskin Robbins? Once you've decided that you can be satisfied eating strawberry ice cream for the rest of your life, then and only then are you ready. And, do you know what? That will be the foundation for a lasting relationship.

My question for DW's mom is this. What can you do to avoid waking up in the morning with a stake through your head?
Decide early on where the strawberry ice cream is and NEVER go back to Baskin Robbins.

(Deb and I were bemoaning the time it takes men to commit.) 

Linda in CO of the bruised forehead said…
Does wisdom truly come with age? I'm talking about the part of the serenity prayer where you get the wisdom to know the difference? Am I ever going to quit banging my head against the wall of things I cannot change, or stop being paralyzed by figuring out this is something I CAN change? And is there anything I can do to hurry this wisdom along?
For me the secret to that serenity was FINALLY accepting myself as I am, and killing that self-doubt witch that had lived in my head.  Once I was able to do that, I was then able to accept others as they are without trying to 'fix' them.

sara with an (h) said…
I can hardly wait for this day to arrive… perhaps it is because my most beloved grandmother is currently on hospice and more senile by the minute and my heart is breaking? I'm not sure if my falling in love with DW's mother is connected with my Grandma situation at all, but I've fallen in love and hope you honor us all with your wisdom and grace.
Bless you and your grandmother.  This is never an easy time in life, but it is a part of life that we all must endure.  I suggest you spend as much time as is reasonable with her.  She may not know you, or remember things –but your presence may give her some comfort and you will know that you have given her back the love she helped foster in your heart.

LauraL said…
Do you regret more the things you did or the things you didn't do?
I no longer regret.  That comes from me finally being able to accept me as I am.

LauraL ALSO said…What is the best thing you did in parenting your children? The worst?
In both instances–loved them no matter what.

LauraL said AGAIN, and GEEZ, Laura…As one ages, does one grow more satisfied with life or more wistful? Why do men act so much like large children?
I have no answer for these.

LauraL! Shaddup already!…What do you do to maintain such good relationships with your children?
Love them no matter what.

LauraL! Stake through your head! God! She also said…I'm sure I'll think of others later, but those immediately came to mind. Those and the how-do-I-avoid-staking-him one.

Tarva said…
When a parent or grandparent has everything they could ever want and they tell you not to buy them a present should you buy something anyway? And if yes what in the world do you buy someone who has everything?
This becomes a problem for all concerned.  I rarely want something that could be a gift and DW & WW get frustrated with me. DW pleased me greatly at Christmas this year,  he went to a high-end grocery store, perused the type of foods he knows I like, and bought a bunch of very expensive food items that I would not buy for myself.  Needless to say, I stuffed myself with a variety of specialty cheeses, chocolates, crackers, preserves, etc.  WW, not to be outdone, gave me gift certificates for massages.

jo said…
Were people crazy just as crazy before cell phones, texting, email and 20 ways to watch a thousand TV shows?
Short answer NO!  I truly believe the Devil invented all the electronic and cell type devices and is undermining civilization.

Another Unruly-Haired Person, now a divorcée said…
I wish you were my mom. Want to adopt me? I'm June's age, if that matters.

Another Unruly-Haired Person, now a divorcée also said…Okay, so my question is, Do you think the overall quality of men has gone down, or perhaps that a higher percentage of men these days are of lower quality? By quality in this context, I mean things like making commitments and sticking to them even when life gets rough, or not lying or only trying to get friends "with benefits" rather than be in an actual relationship?
Wow, that is complicated.  I won't blame men for the changes, but I will blame the societal expectations and changes.

Okay, Another Unruly went to the LauraL school of Qs, as she also said… Also, did just as many couples used to be as miserable as now, but not get divorced in the same numbers merely because divorce was more frowned upon, or did so many more couples stay together because they were genuinely committed to making their relationships work? i.e., if divorce were as accepted then as now, do you think the divorce rate back then would've also been as high as now?
Yes and yes! Absolutely!

BStar said in reply to Another Unruly-Haired Person, now a divorcée….
What happened to the dads that mowed the lawn and washed the cars every Saturday and then took the cars (Mom's and Dad's) to the "filling station" to get gassed up for the week? Then, they came home and got shaved and showered for whatever Mom planned for the evening – a BBQ or playing cards with the neighbors or taking all us kids to the drive-in. Then, they got up the next morning and got all dressed up and smelling nice and took us all to church. Divorce was not part of this picture in any way.
Sports (24/7) on television!  Only 'no account, no good' people got divorces.

(Uh-oh, Hulk.) So there it is! Your answers from DW's mom! Thanks, mom of DW, for playing along. We all heart you and have never once wished to drive a stake through your head.


A crucial Pieces of Wisdom

Let's face it. I am not happy with my coffee situation. I mean, first of all, I have to have half-decaf, which is insulting enough. But then awhile back my coffeemaker broke, so my mother gave me hers, but then THAT broke, and is it really that bad of an idea to throw your coffeemaker against the fireplace like you're doing a Russian toast every morning?

So then I got a percolator, because I love the sound it makes, but coffee stayed fresh in there for, like, 12 seconds.

Now I have a French press, because my mother told me to, but she also told me I could not get any play in seventh grade because boys were intimidated by my beauty.

The problem with the French press is coffee gets cold in eight seconds. Plus, the Russian toast with that glass thing is precarious at best.

So what say you? What coffeemaker do you use and why do you like it?

Do tell.

Confidential to my fellow deep Real Housewives watchers: I don't know how this discussion fits with being a wife and a mother. You're gonna have to think long and hard about getting a coach, a trainer coach.

Okay, SERIOUSLY no time today

Went to the BookUp again last night. May or may not have gone with …friend. May or may not have stayed out too late. May or may not have LOOMING DEADLINE.

This may or may not be my pal Jo at said BookUp. Who needs to stop saying "may or may not" about everything? May it or may it not be me?

So I will go. But someone in the coments yesterday came up with an interesting Pieces of Wisdom question and I am SORRY, dude, that I do not have time to go CULL the comments and see who said it. I may or may not have time.

Do you have any superstitions about money? For example, I never put my purse on the floor if I can help it because I heard you will never have money in your purse if you do that. And actually I never have money in my purse because I use my ATM card for everything. But when I DO have cash, I always face it in my wallet in the same direction, in number order. Suze Orman said to do that so I listened. I may or may not be relatively not flush. Still.

So what are yours? Do tell.

Pieces of Wisdom: You got your mind on your money and your money on your mind.

I wonder how many people out there desperately wish I would refer to song lyrics from this decade, just once.

I will. When I figure out I like some songs in this decade, next decade.

Anyway, don't be fooled by the rocks that we got, we're still bloggers from the block. Yesterday I asked all y'all all a riveting Pieces of Wisdom question, What is the best money you've ever spent?

And many of you answered. How many comments did I get yesterday? Wait, now I gotta go look at my blog and see. They come to me as email so I never know. One hundred twenty-five. One hundred twenty-five of you told me, minus me chiming in on my own comments like a chilly fool. So one hundred twenty-five of you, ish, minus those commenters who come back 3994949 times a day to say other stuff.

Okay, 14 of you chimed in with answers. Overwhelmingly, you said the best money you ever spent was on family vacations.

100_1209June. On a family vacation at age 6. With her "It's a Small World" pin from Avon. I think we were in Toronto. Aaaaand the correction email from one of my parents in 3…2…1.

I believe it was Francis, my now-dead cat, who chewed this photo. He loved to chew anything with chemicals on it, particularly plastic. God love ya, Francis, but you were annoying. Also, dad, do you still have that peasant shirt? It's nice.

Some people took ailing relatives places. Some people took their kids on memorable trips. For example, on this same trip we walked through a maze, just like in The Shining but that wasn't a movie yet so we didn't know to be freaked out, and anyway a cat walked up to me and let me pet her. I have a slide of it but don't know how to show you a slide here.

The other response I heard a lot was, "I'm glad I spent money on Lasik."

Here is an actual unretouched photo of the glasses in my bathroom right now. Several are reading glasses, which I would still need if I got Lasik. Still. Several are my regular glasses, without which I would be mincing around here with my arms out like Helen Keller.

Dear Parents: When you read this and then email me to correct me on the vacation picture, please do not tell me I'm grounded. (That was the standing punishment I had for telling Helen Keller jokes, which is why God struck me with 20/400 vision.)

There were random answers as well: Purses, tuition, houses, pets (June. Hoping those were ADOPTION FEES and not just buying-a-pet fees.) (June. Unable to shut up about this ONE THING. Otherwise she is kind of live and let live, unless we're talking grammar, in which she is live and let June poke fun at you.) and so on.

But what I gleaned from your answers is the best money you spend is the kind that creates memories or helps a loved one in some way. That's nice. And you have not tried Latisse. Is all I'm saying. What better memory can you give a loved one than the sight of your luxurious lashes?

Actually, this photo is from a few weeks ago, when it was Yoko Ono's birthday. I like how I said her last name, because otherwise you'd be all "Yoko who?" I was going to Yoko you all for her birthday and then forgot.

You have no idea how hard it was for me to sit there and Yoko the computer.

Photo on 2-19-12 at 4.56 PM #3
I kept cracking myself up.

Photo on 2-19-12 at 4.55 PM #4
Remember my grandmother? "Look at that girl. She don't need no one else. Just sits alone and laaaaughs…"

Nice nose wrinkle.

Photo on 2-19-12 at 4.56 PM
Seriously, it's like I'm getting oxygen. Can I Botox that?

IMG_0734Could Lillee please get pretty mom? It nesisary.

Anyway. Good Pieces of Wisdoming.

Oh, and I think my interview went fine. But I thought the last one went fine and I haven't heard from them, so what do I know?

Oh! (How annoying am I?) And last night Tallulah, Edsel and I sat on the patio and talked to my 96-year-old neighbor Paul. He was back on his glider. We talked for an hour, and the dogs were very good. Other than Edsel nosing Paul's man bits over and over. Anyway, he is still doing just fine. And did I know he grew up right outside TinyTown? Had he told me that before? Anyway he did. He grew up where that little general store is where we'd drive all the way down there to get Cokes in glass bottles.

There was a ton to do in TinyTown.

Okay, really going now.

Oh! (How many of you are grabbing pitchforks right now to stab into my nethers?) My childhood friend's mom put this on Facebook and I said I'd put it on my blog today and then clean forgot. I am the tall one with long hair and the trampy halter or whatever. I would have put this on tomorrow, but I directed Vicki (the cake-cutter) here and how annoying to come here and have to look at 94929394 pictures of me Yokoing and not the one I forced her over here to see?

Pieces of Wi$dom. Do you like what I did, there?

I have to go, because I have a job interview in a few hours and they want me to bring a copy of my resume even though I sent it to them in the first place and I have NO BLANK PAPER here so now I have to go to Office Depot and I wonder how long I could make this sentence?

So because I must rush, I am picking a Pieces of Wisdom question that one of you sent in as an idea: What is the best money you ever spent? Hulk already answered that his divorce attorney was the best money he ever spent.

I said Latisse.

Photo on 1-27-12 at 9.43 PM
Because even when I am loving my kitten, I still have fabulous lashes.

Anyway, do tell. And speaking of us and our money, Faithful Reader Kate wrote in day before yesterday to say that she is young, has three jobs, and a Pug named Pickle:

I am pretty sure this has to be the same Pickle. A reader named Kate sent in a photo of her dogs Onyx and Pickle when I had you do the "send me a photo from your Thanksgiving" project. I mean, how many Pugs named Pickle could there be?

Anyway, Pickle was really ill and Kate had spent all the money she had on tests and the vet needed several thousand dollars to do more tests and probably surgery. She told us, and in one day got $1,700 in donations for her dog, who is in surgery with blockage as we speak. If anyone else wants to donate, her PayPal address is fabulousfindk@gmail.com.

So really, other than Latisse, the best money I ever spent was the $150 to start this blog. Typepad, with all its bad fonts and its eliminating my punctuation when I leave a comment costs $150 a year. I KNOW!

So thanks to everyone who helped Kate or is planning to. Now tell me your piece o' wisdom.

Pieces of Wisdom. Gone with the Febreze.

We pretty much don't need a lot of dry-erase board use for yesterday's Pieces of Wisdom question, which was how much do you enjoy socializing and how much do you enjoy staying in.

This is good, because as you can see, I had trouble finding a marker that would work on my board. I do not know what happened to the nice marker that came with it but I blame Marvin or Edsel. Perhaps they worked in cahoots. My point is, almost all of you said you were homebodies, which was coming to me as home [space] bodies and home[hyphen]bodies and finally I had to yell at you in the comments. ONE WORD! IT'S ONE WORRRRRRRRD.

June's blog. Come to get yelled at. Stay to get yelled at.

After awhile, and someone noted this in the comments, too, after your hair returned from its blown-back position from my yelling, that people who read blogs may be, you know, introverts in general. Wouldn't the annoying extroverts be out there partayying and hobnobbing and guffawing it up as we speak, with no time to sit in a room and read a blog?

Also, those trash bags that they scented with Febreze make me want to hurl. I realize that was kind of, you know, HEY! from nowhere, except I just put a new trash bag in here and blurrgh.

Febreze. What an annoying name. What is it even short for? A February breeze? Because in general those are sort of unpleasant.

Anyway, thanks for participating. June's readers. Hating people and social activities since birth. Enjoying their pajamas since middle age.

Okay, SOME people were gadabouts. But not many. You all basically said okay. I will go out on weekends, MAYBE. But weekdays? Forget it. And last-minute stuff? Bite me. Oh and whatever you do, please drop in. We all adore that. PEG.

In somewhat related news, I went out last night. 

My friend Jo, featured above, here, wearing a cool coat from my other friend Kit's vintage shop, had a book-up. I really like that coat. I wish I had a job, because I'd totally get a cool vintage coat that the pets could shed on.

A book-up is a thing I think she invented, but it's where a bunch of people get together and read. I am not making that up. We met in a restaurant, introduced ourselves, got out our books and read. We were at several different tables at the restaurant, and we varied in age from 17 (the 17-year-old brought a Kindle) (I am so plebeian) to, you know, middle-aged. In the prime of life. I like to say. I'd be wrong, but still.

I was reading a book my friend Dot sent me, called It Looked Different on the Model, and why did I have to bring a funny book to the book-up? Because everyone was over there reading normal books, and deep books, and there I was, all bent over in hysterics. She has a chapter on this woman who whipped out her breastical at a party, ostensibly to breast-feed, except there was no baby in sight, ever, the entire time her breast was out, and oh, I was dying. DYING. Like I am dying here next to the Febreze bag. And I'm certain I wasn't annoying or distracting. Like the Febreze bag.

Jo made me a certificate of excellence for my blog. I was awarded for my exceptional petspeak.

100_1118iris give you petspeek. you wash iriss. @#@% you, mom. Ther you petspeek.

Someone might have, you know, not dropped Mrs. Brown off at the sandbox in a manner that was entirely 100%. And therefore someone may have been dunked in a sink of soapy water. For a while. 'twasn't pleasant.

Look at her teensy foot. Her teensy outraged foot.


After the book-up, Jo and I had coffee across the street, and I feel the need to mention the restaurant and coffee shop were right next door to where my dot dot dot friend lives. I am afraid I sent a disclaimer email before the evening began.

Dear Dot Dot Dot Friend,

I am going to be at a restaurant 20 feet from your apartment. I am not stalking you. XO, June.

I mean, I felt like I had to clear that up. You know? Why he gotta live somewhere so centrally located? Anyway he was all, …yeah. Okay. Would not have thought that you were.

So then I mentioned how he should not be alarmed by the cherry picker outside his window with me in it. Just happened to be there, too. Why I gotta go too far? With the jokes? (Oh, good. Now someone can leave a comment about how annoying my personality is again, and how I'll never catch a man as a result.)

Also, when I was stalking Iris to get a photo of her wet humiliation, I took a picture of my own self in the mirror, because what's unobnoxious? It's a photo in a mirror. That is what is unobnoxious. Anyway I like it.

I did finally catch that poor kitten and, you know, towel her off. I didn't just get involved with myself in the mirror and let her parade on the wood floors in all her soppiness. I forgot that long-haired cats get this delightful condition every once in awhile. And the part where I have selected short-haired cats has come rushing back to me with remarkable clarity.

Okay, I must go. I have A LUNCH DATE and yes. Another day with a social obligation in it. Perhaps I will talk about Iris' butt the entire time. This could guarantee me more down time.

Go on with ya!

Sadly, every Tuesday is fat Tuesday, over here. Oh, but I brought Pieces O’ Wizzdom back!

When did Monster become such a crappy site? It used to be the first place I'd go to look for jobs, and now they list nothing. What happened to it? Does anyone have any good ideas for looking for jobs? I go on Indeed and SimplyHired, those are good. Cragislist here is only a scam. In LA they listed actual jobs. I wish Craigslist would be more, you know, fussy about who advertises on there.

Not that I am not swamped. Do you know there has not been one day since I got laid off that I haven't had work to do? I guess that's good, right? Although to tell you the truth it's been kind of stressy. It's like, ohmygod I have all this work to do and ohmygod will I have work to do next week and also will I have a house next month?

So. Stressy. Is what I am. And if one more person asks if I have heard back from that company Ima come over there and dance the entire Latin hustle on your dinner table. While I am naked except for baseball cleats. It won't be pretty, I assure you. In case you were thinking, Oh! That might be pretty! What a lovely centerpiece that might make for my daughter's wedding!

And I've had a lot of social engagements, too. I think people must feel sorry for me, which, you know. Go ahead. I don't blame you. But I also have not had one day since I got laid off where I have not had the option to go somewhere.

This has all made me cranky. I know. I am a delight.

I wish I just had a day, A DAY, where I could keep to myself. You know? With no commitments or obligations or obligations that I am turning down. You'd think being single and unemployed would garner me just exactly that sitch but in fact it has garnered me the opposite.

Which leads me to a pieces of wisdom, which someone in the comments said I should bring back, and I am sorry, person in the comments, that I do not remember who that was and do not feel like combing through 8,000 Downton Abbey comments to find.

But I used to ask you a question on Tuesday, and you would answer it, and then on Wednesday there'd be a Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday, see, where I often held up a dry-erase board with your statistics. Eleven percent of you prefer rainy days. Remember that exciting Pieces of Wisdom? Half of you are on Team Francis. That sort of thing.

Today's Pieces of Wisdom Q is, do you get cranky when you have too many social obligations? I mean, you might think I am a total extrovert, and in fact I am not. I like going out and doing things, but if I had plans, say, two nights in a row, I had better have nothing to do on night three or Ima be one cranky heifer at your third-night event. I need my alone time.

On the other hand, I know someone {…dick whitman…} who does stuff pretty much every night, and who schedules me a week in advance. "You doing anything next Thursday? I thought we'd see a movie." Next THURSDAY? Who the hell even THINKS about next Thursday? Yeah. Okay, dude. Whatever.

I mean, he comes home from work, and leaves again just to go hang in coffee shops. I'm all, you're HOME. Safe in the bosom of your abode! Why would you want to LEAVE again?

So tell me. Which do you prefer? Doing something and being with people as often as possible (this sounds to me like Faithful Reader Joann)? Seeing people as little as possible (FR Siren)? Seeing people on a set schedule, like, "We have dinner with our friends every Thursday. If they dropped in on Tuesday I'd get hives"?

Tell all.