I have many topics, the fresh topics of our day, to discuss with you, and all of them are dull. Read on! Just so I won't forget them, because you know how I am, they are: Work My eyesight My winter jackets Turning into my grandmother, Vol. XIV Did I not TELL you they were… Continue reading For you, June, are a slob
It's been so long since I've gotten up in the morning and not blogged. These other posts I wrote at night, the posts since my triumphant return. Celebrate June's triumphant return at the country fairgrounds and civic center. I wish you tell you what's new with work, but I worry about getting fired. I guess… Continue reading Catch up on June’s…hard-hitting career. The Asses of Roses edition.
Turns out, I locked Steely Dan in the attic all night, so I'm feeling pretty good about my cat mothering skills. I went up there for some paperwork, which I FOUND, by the way, and then I took it downstairs (there I go again, calling the attic "upstairs" like a giant nutbar) and pored over… Continue reading Eyes that talk like cats
It was laundry. That was the smell [see yesterday's post, ya boob]. Apparently I washed a load of clothes back when I was on the phone with Martha Washington, and I'd forgotten to put those clothes in the dryer, so for 8 centuries they were festering there in the damp, and it's been warm out.… Continue reading The dodgy tip
Rabbit, rabbit. Why do people say that at the beginning of the month? Sarah Jessica Parker always does (she's my Instagram friend), and because she does it, I think it's cute, but all my life I have no idea why people say it. But isn't this literally a rabbit, rabbit month? Isn't Easter this month?… Continue reading For me, it’s not so much March as Hobble
Yesterday morning, after I'd gotten up early and stressed own self over adding polls to this here not-blog (good participation, by the way!), I got an email. "Can you knock this out this morning?" I wasn't even at work yet, and already I was anxious. It's this big, several-tabbed Excel document that I copy edit… Continue reading How to Have a Migraine: A Step-By-Step Guide
In case anyone was worried sick, my presentation went fine. I had to present to the rest of the creatives--that's what they call us: "creatives." I had to show the rest of the CREATIVES why copy editing is necessary and why it takes so damn long. We copy editors get a lot of, "Can you… Continue reading I forgot a damn title
I have to give a presentation today at work, so I'm distracted. But when I return to you, to your arms, where will hug in the dark of night, remind me to tell you about sitting next to The World's Worst Person at the manicure place. Demonstrably, June
A few things. A few matters. Some housekeeping. Don't you fucking hate people who say that? Is there anything you want to read less about than someone's "housekeeping matters"? I mean, other than how little you want to hear the "let me back up" details. I didn't get to go to my work Christmas party.… Continue reading June pops her head out of the cupboard (TM Dick Whitman’s mom. RIP)
For years, we've been doing this project at work that is what you might call detailed. If you're a proofreader or a copy editor, all three of you, it has everything that takes time. Names you need to check? Yes. Numbers? Yes. Details that're listed in several places and they all must match? Yes. Fact-checking… Continue reading The one where June misses Halloween
I gave up having cable TV about a year ago, because basically I was paying $110 a month to watch Bravo. And while I DO miss the old movie channel (a LOT), I kind of like having Amazon Prime and also, way down the rung, Netflix. They appeal to my addictive personality. I can enjoy… Continue reading June goes back to work
Thursday, August 3, 2017 6:30 a.m.: Alarm goes off, hit snooze. 6:39: Alarm goes off, hit snooze. 6:48: " 6:57: "..... 7:33: OH MY GOD. SERIOUSLY? Scream out of bed, dash to shower. Wash hair. We curly people don't wash our hair every day. Many of us have a concoction we create in dollar spray… Continue reading Spa Day
I am overwhelmed. I know I said I was getting overwhelmed, but now we've crossed over into overwhelmed territory. First, there's my regularly scheduled job, and let me tell you something: Being a single person with four pets and a full-time job is really enough. Do you have a regular office job, and then do… Continue reading Our Lady of Perpetual Calendars
I knew I was going to a party yesterday afternoon, so I planned my ensemble in my mind so that I could do my freelance work in peace. I showered, did my hair, put on my kabuki makeup and went to my room to put on my NEW FAVORITE black shirt and pink capris pants,… Continue reading Try to guess the swear word I use when I hit Publish then realize I’ve not added a title.
Do you know what I hate? The don't-be-so-hard-on-yourself-when-you're-trying-to-insult-yourself guy. And by "guy" I mean anyone. Look, or even looky here, as my eighth-grade algebra teacher used to say (and there's a job. Hey, this year you're gonna teach June algebra! Good luck and here's your methadone prescription), none of us are 100% happy with ourselves,… Continue reading The laughs make up for the marsupial pouch
Yesterday, I got up early to go to the allergy doctor. I hurried around, and tore over there to be on time, and when I got there, right at 8:00? They were closed. I walked up to the door and knocked. No lights on. They'd given me paperwork, so I opened it. "8:00," it read.… Continue reading Facing June Addiction
I'm just now forming the thought that all this time I've been feeding Steely Dan too much. I thought he was much younger, and those oh-so-easy-to-read instructions on his canned food said to feed him three times a day. But now he's seven months old, and I'll bet I don't have to feed him at… Continue reading June gives it up early. When I post this to FB, about 17 of my exes will nod their damn heads.
When I first became June’s boss, she brought up the idea of me writing a guest post for her blog—a whole “I Supervised June” thing. I said sure. Now I’m not her boss, and I have time to write the post. Those two things are not related. I think June expects me to tell you… Continue reading “I Supervised June.” A scathing guest post by my boss, fmr.
My friend Paula sent me this, and there is just...yeah, I can't begin. Okay, no, I really can begin. The filthy hippie, that dynamo behind them clapping her hands, THAT WOMAN'S SWEATER, the dummy! Oh, god, the dummy. The choreography. God, 1972 was a weird time. Anyway. Another work week is upon us, and… Continue reading Nah nah nah nah