Where do birds go to die? Do they just fall out of the sky in mid-flight? If so, why aren't we hit more often by expired fowl? Or smacked by bird carcass once they've lost their death grip on a limb? These and other useless queries burn in my brain. I also spent an inordinate … Continue reading Why do birds suddenly appear
Ir currently abhor my appearance. I've been on Weight Watchers THE WHOLE WEEK, and okay, shut up. But I've lost no pounds, none! This is the second diet I've tried where I lost zero pounds the first week and said, Fuck it. But I'll keep fucking trying, as I think I paid 11 dollars for … Continue reading June D. Wattle
Yesterday, I was texting The Younger Man, who first of all needs a blog name. "What do you want your blog name to be?" I asked him, because he's not at all busy being in the Olympics or whatever. "Steve," he wrote back, and when your Olympics don't happen, you'll know this is why. "Head … Continue reading John Wayne, Marco Polo and boredom
I never even ATE a brownie last night, but this morning I was pleased to see there were some left over and my guests left me an edge. Oh, HELL yeah. Brownie edge. I had a few people over for sports night, because sports, and I made a couple plates of vomit. Actually, this was … Continue reading Super Bowel
I spread this afghan on the new couch, so Miss Sickly could get up and sleep on me. ("Specially handmade for you, by Grandma" a tag inside reads. Aw. Gramma. Knittin' me an afghan in the '70s colors. I am so glad I have this.) The vet called yesterday to tell me that as a … Continue reading Animals are terrible people
I just woke up, which is dreadful. You know what's dreadful-ler? People who BOUND out of bed. There is no reason for those people, other than that we need firemen. My point is, I got coffee, and brought the wolves up here to be blog muses to me, which is not working because Edsel has … Continue reading Crying with Wolves
Last weekend, when Ned and I were at that on-the-streets Christmas celebration, we went to a store that sells vintage, and right here I'd like to apologize to my friend Kit, because I bought a vintage coat for $45. It's dark blue wool with big cool buttons and a cream fur collar. Yesterday, at my … Continue reading Refridge
I'm upstairs, listening to Ned watch football. When Ned has sports on TV on Saturday afternoons, it totally reminds me of the TV room where my father would be all weekend. Although I have never heard my father refer to the other team as "a bunch of sugarbritches," as Ned just did. In truth, it's … Continue reading Listening to Ned watch sports. Not for the faint of heart.
Well, it's back to work today. My water and I are back to work. By the way, I still look completely the same. It's day five! Shouldn't I be miraculously young-looking and incredibly hydrated by now? Instant gratification takes too long. (c) Carrie Fisher, my favorite person on earth now that Nora Ephron is dead. … Continue reading Ban de Soliel, for the Saginaw tan
My iPhone, which I purchased last summer, has done nothing but give me trouble. Sometimes I wonder if they sold me a repurposed one and didn't tell me. They probably giggled when I walked out. The latest issue is that (a) it wouldn't charge back up and (2) it kept telling me I had no … Continue reading Know-it-all
Yesterday was my big Ping-Pong match against Alex #4858493 at work, as part of a big Ping-Pong championship we're having for no reason whatsoever. She and I decided to have a practice round at lunch, before our 2:30 game. After, I emailed Ned. "Even though I've practiced with other people at work, Alex #4858493 and … Continue reading Get Freaky with June: Lob That Ball Edition
In case you don't read the comments, your old pal June, here, weighed in at Weight Watchers and is 3.8 pounds less of the man she used to be. I guess that week of being HUNGRY ALL THE TIME paid off. Today the first thing I did was eat the giant chocolate-chip cookie Ned had … Continue reading The thing is, I never even paused and said, “Camp CHEERIO?”
Because I am covering several topics today, I will divide them into categories. Today's categories will be divided by Things I Know About Football. A. Footballs are brown. I feel terrible about Philip Seymour Hoffman and his dead self. I always liked him. I read in the New York Times that they found two different … Continue reading One where June talks about different stuff and all of it’s useful
Did you ever see that depressing movie, Sweet November, with Sandy Dennis looking annoyingly perky despite the fact that she is dying? I just ruined the movie for you, and you're welcome. You've had 40 years to see it, so it's not my fault. I watched it on November 1 in 2012, and the whole … Continue reading Sweet November
I was extra busy sleeping this morning, so I didn't blog. I only got in eight-and-a-half hours, and I know you're wondering, "God, how does she do it all?" Cause I mean, after that brief rest, after that if-you-wanna-call-that-SLEEP sleep, I had to flurp some kibble into FOUR BOWLS before my six-minute commute to fake … Continue reading The one where June never ever lets you forget you’re a man.
I was super-busy Ned-ing yesterday and never had a minute to write. So now I gotta cram everything that happened Saturday and yesterday into one post, and who knows how to draw the reader in and beg for more? Nothing's more compelling than "...now I gotta cram everything..." Speaking of which, Hulk's date was not … Continue reading In which June makes an “Orange you glad” joke.
So, my friend TinaDoris had tickets to the football game, and she IMd me at work. (Dear Work, Usually TinaDoris and I keep our noses to the grindstone. Love, June. Worky June.) "Would Ned want tickets to the NC State game this Saturday?" she asked, knowing that's where Ned went to school and knowing he … Continue reading In which you say, “We have to hear about ANOTHER football game June attended? We totally read about this already in her 1982 post.”
I wish I could tell you all the things I wish to today, but I have to work before I go to work, then after work Ima do some work. I haven't even TOUCHED my Polish stuff, which is not a eupemism, in days. If I had time to blog, I would: Show you those … Continue reading You better WORK. (I am so busy I’ve turned into RuPaul.)
Yesterday I had a relatively normal Sunday for me. Cry, have coffee, see Dick Whitman. Yes, my life is stupid. I really should stop hanging around Dick Whitman. At any rate, my pal Hulk was already on my mind because DW and I had Indian food and I knew how Hulk would be envying us. … Continue reading Texting Hulk during the Super Bowl. Or, poking the tiger.
Happy Barry Gibb's birthday! I am taking time out of this day of festivities to write you. I told Daniel Boone it's Barry Gibb's birthday, and I said, "I gotta get home and put up my tree." "Really?" he said. "I was thinking more a fur-covered pole." Everyone's mean to my Barry. In the meantime, … Continue reading Mr. Blue Pants