It happened again. I poured water in the damn coffeepot, put the filter in JUST SO, put the lid on JUST FUCKING SO, turned it on, waited to hear it gurgle, showered, came back, and? It didn't brew. THIS COFFEEPOT IS THE DEATH OF ME. I had to pick it up and put it back… Continue reading Hamilton
My boss, fmr., did my annual review yesterday, which I guess kind of makes her my boss, current. Or sort of my boss. Or something. Anyway, they still like me at work and that is a relief. But speaking of my boss, fmr.-ish, she received her box o'StitchFix yesterday, and I was muy busy, and… Continue reading StitchFix time!
No one is in the house right now except for Steely Dan, and I admit to the tiniest thrill of fear. There is no other animal to come to my aid, should he decide this is the moment to reveal he's a tiny perturbed man in a cat suit. When I look over at my… Continue reading You just want it cause it’s gaudy.
I didn't write today because I became obsessed with this list of ridiculous reasons people broke up. I've sat here all morning laughing like an idiot. I, too, would break up with someone who thought it was "cold slaw." So.
Yesterday at work I went back to copy editing. I asked if I could do so some months ago, and they said okay, but you have to wait till we get other editors in here, so I waited, and then without further ado or fanfare, it was all, "Can you copy edit this?" and by… Continue reading Retro June
I gots to go. I have to get in the car, drive to freaking Raleigh, get on a plane and fly to Michigan. I'm running for president and thought I'd better get on the campaign trail. That would so be how I'd run for president. Yeah, yeah, I'll get to it. I'll campaign. Anyway, my… Continue reading Dewey Defeats Truman
I hate brunch. There's the part where you're expected to get up, WITH NO FOOD OR COFFEE IN YOU, and head to some crowded restaurant, then wait in a lobby for a hundred minutes. Then always--ALWAYS!!--some asshole party of 10 is just before you, because hey, what's more fun than a huge GROUP going to… Continue reading Oh, good. I get to read about someone’s trip.
9:31 p.m. The problem is, I get cockamamie ideas. I decided to give Lottie a puppy aptitude test tonight (Google fucking "Puppy Aptitude Test"), kind of a personality test, to see if she will grow up to be psycho. In the test, they offer a series of activities to see how your pup--or, oh, spawn… Continue reading June gives Lottie an aptitude test. Films it. Blogs it. Oh, June. How dull you are.
7:28 a.m. I am currently drinking coffee--what addiction?--out of my Mr. Tea mug that Marty and Kaye got me some years back, that remains one of my favorites. Do you have favorite mugs? Do you wait till it's that mug's turn in the cupboard, or do you reach for it first if it's clean? I… Continue reading I pity the Blu
I was just uploading photos from my phone onto my computer mom boreeng and I saw among the photos a video on there that was half an hour long. "?" I asked myself. seer y uslee, we so ober this story I clicked play. It was a blank screen the whole time. You could hear… Continue reading June accidentally records her life. As opposed to this tome.
Edsel doing his sled dog impression. Or his Mushmouth impresh. Whichever. It snowed again, which is very exciting for us here. My work is delayed a crummy hour. Given how much sliding down my street I did last night, I thought maybe they'd close the whole thing down. But no. I hope this weather won't… Continue reading The one where June makes hilarious Presidents Day puns
At work, a bunch of us are doing Dresscember, which is this challenge where you wear a dress every day in December, even on your ding-dang days off, as kind of a fundraiser to say, hey, I hate human trafficking. I HATE Uncle Jamie. Do you want to know what annoys me? Is just try… Continue reading Where June somehow mentions Princess Di, human trafficking and QVC in one post.
That people stop using "journal" and "orgasm" as verbs. HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE! Luff, Juuuuuune
On yesterday*, Bitchy Resting Face Alex came over and helped me paint. "Helped" is a curious term. I was totally Tom Sawyer in this scenario. *When Marvin was a teacher, every Sunday night at 6:00 the phone would ring, back when people had phones in their house that would ring for all to hear, and… Continue reading Blue walls and yellow dogs
Oh, look! We still have boxes in here! How do, like, Army people do this, where they move all the ding-dang time? It's so taxing. But it really is nice to be here, at home, rather than a whole 'nother place. This morning I thought about how when Ned and I got up, we'd open… Continue reading Can o’snake ass
I bought a new yogurt this weekend; it has flax and pumpkin seeds and Lionel Ritchie and I don't know what all in it.It's a very busy yogurt. This yogurt also informs me that it's gluten-free, and guess what I am sick of. Gluten-free is the fat-free of the '10s. Remember when we were all… Continue reading In which June does not forget to add a senior picture
One of my coworkers has a football at his desk, as though he were OJ Simpson or...some other football player such as Jim Namath. Because they were famous for having footballs on their desks. It's on a little stand--not my coworker, his football--like it has its own three-pronged house or whatever. "Hey, I'll hold the… Continue reading Now I know how Joan of Arc felt. Plus, hot soap.
I forgot my DING-DANG phone at work. My chargers are stupidly packed away, so I have stolen this one guy at work's fine Arab charger while he's in Japan or Tokyo or something. Are those the same place? Anyway, it's not very long, the power cord, so my phone is often under my desk because… Continue reading June Google Effings It
Along with 47 people named Alex at my job, there are also 15,000 men named Michael in my department. As a result, we call them all by their last names, and then anytime someone says, "Mike," I'm all, "Who?" One of these souls is Fewks, whose last name is not spelled "Fewks," but it's close… Continue reading Mikhail Gorbachev goes to lesbian taco
The holiday weekend yawned before us with nary a plan, which was delightful news because we'd both had harrowing weeks at work. "I can't TELL you how happy I am to be home with nothing to do," Ned kept telling me all of Friday evening, thereby rendering him a big liar, or at least inaccurate.… Continue reading June and Ned Get High