On Sunday, I went with my coworker Alex to see the psychic, the one from 2011. I don't mean the psychic was born in 2011, which would make her something of a prodigy. I also don't mean she's from the band Prodigy. I mean that I saw her in 2011, came home and blogged about … Continue reading June sees a psychic. Finds out the future. So after today you won’t have to read this dumb blog anymore. You’ll know what’s gonna happen.
It's the end of the year, FYI, and time for my end-of-year veedeo, and you've been around a long time if you know why I say "veedeo." So long, 2014! You weren't all bad. (Click on the white "2014 Be Done" title at the top of the video, so it'll take you to YouTube, where … Continue reading I have the feeling Ima be just as annoying in 2015.
I wrote something for Purple Clover and pretty much figured it'd get rejected, because it doesn't really have a Purple Clover angle. It did get rejected, so now I am showing it to you. Yay, you get my rejects! Really, though, I like it, my editor liked it, and I hope you like it. Bookends. … Continue reading This tastes awful–here, try it
That guy is screwed. This weekend, Ned and I went to Wilmington, which in case you live in Poland or Ethiopia (I am HUGE in Ethiopia) (well, I probably would be huge in Ethiopia) or are just really stupid or something, Wilmington is a town in North Carolina that happens to be right next to … Continue reading Do you know what’d be hilarious? Is if I said, “Life’s a beach.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
I have to go to work today, and I KNOW! I just worked in JUNE. Do they expect me to have NO FREE TIME? God. Okay, I've worked since June, but not on site, as I am doing this week. This is super not at all confusing, but today, tomorrow and Thursday I am going … Continue reading I Heart Pie. Or, All Andy Griffith and Little Else.
Today on Facebook, my old pal Marc wrote, "Hey, has anybody seen my black canvas bag?" and one of this other friends wrote, "No, and I haven't seen your Sweet Gypsy Rose, either." I do not know why this made me snortle like a hyena for the last 15 minutes but it has. You know … Continue reading Dancing girls. At a burlesque show.
I woke up this morning and before I even opened my eyes, I told myself: YOU GOING TO THE BEACH, BITZ! So here I go. If I can figure out how to send pictures to my blog, I will. If I can't, just picture me lying there getting melanoma. It's supposed to be sunny and … Continue reading June and Sleeping Beauty go to the beach. Except she’s bringing her baby. How much sleep will she really get?
Sometimes I sit here at my blank screen, and so desperately want to prattle on about what's really going on, but to protect the privacy of those around me I cannot. This is one of those times. So in the meantime I will say that I am going to the Outer Banks in two weeks! … Continue reading June avoids
Can't talk long--I have to get to the gym. I know. You guys have spoken to me many times about my exercise bulimia. I mean, I just SAID I was going to the gym...never. In five years of writing this blog. I did belong to a gym in LA, but you had to in order … Continue reading June Gardens, gym rat
Hey, did you hear I went to New Orleans? On the first night, on my way there, I stayed with Faithful Reader Sadie, who coincidentally has a dog named Sadie. You'd think she'd name her dog something different from her own name, but who am I to tell people what to do? Anyway, I had … Continue reading Who dat?
I am leaving later today for New Orleans! Wooo! I picked a fine week to stop sniffing glue. And guess who has not packed one iota yet? I hear you need plenty of iotas for New Orleans. I mean, I kind of packed in my MIND already. Does that help you organized people who are … Continue reading Big easy June. Wait.
Zzzzzzzz--oh! Is mom's computer finally ready? I logged on in 1712. I know I never complain about the slowness of this computer. And in general, I have such patience. Instant gratification takes too long. Anyway, I'm here. I drove straight through. And do you know what I had? Was a lack of ridiculousness on that drive. … Continue reading Butt Tour 2011
I'm getting ready to get in the car to leave for Saginaw, and by "getting ready" I mean I'm sitting here blogging. Somebody just pulled into my driveway to turn around, and I don't know about you, but if we were all in the car in high school? And we pulled into someone's driveway to … Continue reading In which June blows off the South to be the bland Midwesterner she’s always been
You know who I feel sorry for? Is my friend Sandy's husband. Who just wanted a nice week on the Carolina coast, getting away from his demandy-pants job (he took like 87 conference calls while I was there. Do you know where I am rarely needed? Is on a conference call. In fact recently at … Continue reading Love my home-y but where’s my beaches?
I have returned, without incident. Except for the part where my smoke alarm went off at 3:17 this morning. It just went off for maybe three horrifying, jarring beeps then stopped. And it was not the "I am running out of batteries" beep. It was the real thing. So after being RIPPED from sleep, I … Continue reading I’m back in the South where I belong. Where’s my fatback? Oh. It’s attached.
I am here, finally, because what a smooth, unharried journey. Holy sheep dip. Also, I am typing like the wind because my cousin is in the shower and as soon as she is done we have to scream on over to the pedicure place, then over to the shower (I know! We just TOOK showers! … Continue reading It took me four days to fly out to Saginaw
Well, my bags are packed. I'm ready to go. Taxi's waitin' outside my door. If by "taxi" you mean my own car. Anyway, here we go, off to my Aunt Kathy's house. Which by the way is not in Michigan, for those of you thinking I was going to Michigan. Such as Hulk. Hulk was out getting … Continue reading Gratitude
I just remembered that I forgot to ever tell you about our trip to Savannah, which I realize we took 11 hundred weeks ago. I also remembered that I told this woman at work that I'd help her write a mission statement and then I never remembered it again. You know what I am? Good … Continue reading In which June remembers she forgot
Marvin is getting poor Henry right now; he stayed overnight at the vet. His little cat leg is not broken--he has an abcess. Which means someone bit him (THREE TIMES!) and he got an infection. Now, it could have been one of the cats here when they were playing, but there's also an orange cat … Continue reading In which June wrestles a pickle and accuses her cat of white supremacy
I'm in D.C. and I'm having a capitol time! Bah! The train ride was kind of fun. I got to sit and watch the world go by. The only part about the train is, why do other people have to exist? The old lady next to me was just fine. I had no issue with … Continue reading Don’t get Madison, but I don’t Lincoln to anything in this one. Quit Reagan on me!